Stranded
by castrovalva9
Summary: It's the end of the road for Rose and the Tenth Doctor. An attempt at humour. Anonymous reviews now allowed.


Title: Stranded  
Author: castrovalva9  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: nothing specific for the new series. Classic series references to Tegan and Sarah Jane, and their departures.  
Pairing: Rose/Tenth Doctor  
Summary: It's the end of the road for Rose and the Doctor. An attempt at humour. Actually, it's more or less crackfic.  
Distribution: anywhere  
Disclaimer: "Doctor Who" is property of the BBC.  
Note: Beta read by Kara MT.

* * *

Perched atop a mound of cold, black sand that she really hoped wasn't undulating beneath her, Rose wrapped her arms around her legs, shivered, and came to consider exactly how she'd ended up stranded on this strange planet.

It was all the Doctor's fault, of course. Full disclosure had never been one of his strengths. If only he had, for once, been honest from the start, she wouldn't have gotten her hopes up. Actually, she probably wouldn't have made it off of her home planet to begin with. Some things, a girl couldn't be expected to accept. Yet the Doctor hadn't told her the truth, Rose had continued on in blissful ignorance, and the inevitable had occurred.

Yes, the big night had arrived. After all the months of excruciating build-up, the Doctor and Rose were, at long last, going to consummate their love.

It was romantic. It was intense. It was perfect.

Rose finally knew for sure that the Doctor had a bedroom, and even its exact location. Better yet, she had made it inside the bedroom, onto the bed, naked, and the Doctor, also naked, was with her. For the icing on the cake, both were conscious. The "conscious" part was very important, as they had never before managed to both reach this point at the same time. One crisis or another had always ruined their plans. But tonight, nothing would go wrong. Absolutely nothing. On that point, Rose was determined.

So far, so good. The bed was, naturally, the biggest one she had ever seen, because the Doctor was simply not allowed to have a small bed. And it was covered with silk sheets, because the Doctor was not allowed to use any material as ordinary as cotton.

Rose just had to make sure he knew one extremely important bit of information before they moved on. "I love you, Doctor," she boldly declared. Despite her confident tone, though, she found herself holding her breath as she waited for his reaction.

He did not disappoint her. "I love you, too, Rose," he murmured. Then, rather shyly, he continued, "Actually, I was thinking that it's about time you started to call me Theta. Or Thete, if you prefer. You see, Theta Sigma is my real name."

Had the night been perfect before? It couldn't have been, because the revelation of the Doctor's true name had just pushed it over the top to absolute perfection. "All right... Thete," Rose replied. Yes, it sounded as right as any words had ever sounded.

He hugged her, then pulled back a little. "Now, before we go any farther, I should say something. Things may be a little different than what you're used to."

Rose shrugged. "No complaints so far."

"No, Rose." The Doctor looked her in the eyes. "I mean, _I_ might be a little different than what you're used to. Keep in mind that I _am_ alien, not human."

Rose smiled lovingly. "I'm sure you'll be close enough in all the ways that count."

The Doctor grinned. "That's what I hoped you'd say."

As they proceeded, however, Rose was forced to confront the possibility that she had answered a bit too quickly and optimistically. In other words, she knew where both of the Doctor's hands were, so what was that on her bum?

Suddenly, the situation didn't feel quite right. In fact, it felt decidedly wrong, and Rose knew she had to speak up. Just to be safe. After all, the Doctor was bound to allay her fears with a simple, logical explanation, and then they could proceed, probably aftersome shared laughter over her exaggerated nervousness. "Doctor?" she whispered. "What's that?"

"What's what?" he asked in a distracted tone.

"_That_." She jerked a nod over her shoulder.

"Oh, that. It's just my right tentacle. Now, hold still."

Rose sighed in relief. "Oh, well, if it's only your tentacle, then that's fine... _What_? Your tentacle? Your _right_ tentacle? You have more than one?"

Less than 30 seconds later, the Doctor stood dumbfounded in the doorway of the TARDIS as Rose, draped in his coat (the first covering she'd been able to grab during her headlong flight), backed away from him into the vast unknown of the planet Xamabilitiari. He had never suspected she possessed that kind of speed. Truly, it had taken world-class sprinting to carry her outside so swiftly. She must have been holding out on him all this time.

"Now, be reasonable, Rose," he pleaded. "You know we belong together, at least until one of us gets sick of the other one, which is what usually happens with me and my companions. But that could be a long time from now. Months. Ooh, years, even, if you just give us a chance, which I know you want to do because you've been after me since the day we met, don't think I didn't notice, but I just didn't get around to doing anything about it until tonight because we were always too busy before righting the wrongs of the universe and did you know this planet is famous for its sentient sand?" He paused for breath and heard Rose muttering something. What was she saying?

It sounded suspiciously like "slimy alien tentacles."

"Hey, that's not fair," the Doctor protested. "My tentacles are not slimy. Well, not unless you try to milk them. But technically that's not slime, it's..." His voice trailed off as he belatedly realised that perhaps that observation was rather the wrong one to have made.

"If you ever come near me again, I'll start screaming and never stop," Rose warned, one hand covering her eyes and the other one pointing at him. She whirled and began walking away with short, choppy strides.

"Rose! Come back!" the Doctor cried in dismay. "Remember what kind of man I am--no second chances! You wouldn't be the first person I've left behind. Don't think I won't pull a Sarah Jane on you!"

Yet it was no use. If anything, his words seemed to spur Rose to even greater speed, until she disappeared into the darkness of the night. To be fair to her, the Doctor decided to wait as long for her return as he had for Tegan's during his fifth incarnation. Never let it be said that he gave Rose preferential treatment.

"One," he counted out loud and then peered into the darkness. Rose was nowhere to be seen. Well, fair was fair; he'd waited the full time.

As the Doctor turned to go back inside the TARDIS, tentacles drooping sadly, he ruefully reflected, "And I didn't even get to show her my suckers."

* * *

And that was how Rose came to be stranded on the sand planet of Xamabilitiari, with only the Doctor's coat and lumps of living sand as company. 


End file.
